Which Concerns Holidays

Yesterday was the autumnal Equinox, and I'd like to share something.
Due to its rampant commercialism; the books and movies, the toys, the slew of television programs, I think we've forgotten this holiday's true meaning. You see, folks, Autumn Equinox is not about presents, or cookies, or the sun being directly over the earth's equator. No. It's about love.
Also, Halloween came early this year. That's right; one of my coworkers asked me if I could whip up a short presentation about Halloween.

"For October?" Says I.
"No, no. For tomorrow," says she.
"Oh," says I.

Halloween just happens to be my favorite holiday, so I had already been planning just such a lesson, and even had the foresight to bring a costume from home. Coming from Vegas, there was really only one choice as to who I would be.

Finally, it was my brother's birthday the other day. I sent him a sarubobo(baby monkey doll-very popular in my area of Japan), and he sent me a picture he drew of me. He's pretty talented. Hopefully someday he'll have better models;)

Japanese word for the day:
Metcha-metcha: messy or in shambles-perfectly describes:my blog entries; my Japanese; my sink after removing the Halloween makeup.

Favorite Quote of current book:
'I could hear a lot of words often repeated; queer words, for there were many nationalities in the crowd... amongst them were...Satan...hell...and...something that is either "werewolf" or "vampire"...I must ask the Count about these superstitions.' -Jonathan Harker, from: Dracula

In Which Money is Made...And Lost.

Yesterday was definitely a day worth blogging about, but I was too busy being flabbergasted. I'll explain:
The day started off well enough; I made play money with my face on it and passed it out while we played an English game. Once my students have enough cash, I plan to devise some form of English/gambling games. They all love the fact that I'm from Vegas, so I figured I'd play it up. Although I wasn't really much of a gambler back home. Not too many Vegas natives are. I explained it this way to another teacher:
"People come to Vegas, lose money, and go home. The people who LIVE in Las Vegas get a new casino."
Later, I finally found out how to pay those annoying cell phone bills which keep showing up in my mailbox. All I have to do is take them down to the convenience store, and the clerk does all the work. The Japanese word for "convenience store" is "konbini"(con-beenie), which is essentially a shorter(more convenient?) version of the English phrase. They do this a lot.
Anyway, so I made the mistake of bringing the FIRST bill along with the reminder bill to the konbini. The clerk takes both of them from me before I can stop her, and proceeds to write them up. Years of Japanese classes back in the States had prepared me for just such a scenario:
CLERK: Ok, I'll just take those and write them up...
ME: No...don't understand...same.
CLERK:(as she is writing them up) Sorry, what was that?
ME: Same...those are...same.
CLERK: Ah, yes. Of course, sir. That'll be $$$$$(double)
ME: What? No! No understand. Same!
CLERK: Hm?
ME: Because I forgot...another was sent...same. Same, understand?
CLERK: Ah, yes. So that's $$$$$$(double)
ME: NO!
CLERK: Sir, you have to pay your bill.
ME: Yes...but...SAME!
CLERK: Hm?(looks at the bill) It says here that these are the same bill. They sent you another one because you hadn't payed, yet.
ME: YES!
CLERK: Oh, dear. That's a problem. You see, I've already entered the information, so you have to pay what's on the screen.
ME: What? Please say again.
CLERK: I already put the bills into the system, so we must recieve this amount.
ME: Sorry...I no understand.(points to bills) Same?
CLERK: Yes, sir, I know that now. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do.
ME: ...
CLERK: I'm very sorry.
ME: (points to screen) I have to pay?
CLERK: Yes.
ME: No!
CLERK: Sir, I...
ME: No...this...a little bit...error. You...is...mistake. These are same!
CLERK: Wait just a moment, please.
(she disappears and the manager enters)
MANAGER: Hello.
ME: Hello.(points to bills) Same?
MANAGER: Yes, sir, I heard all about it. Unfortunately, you have to pay what's on the screen.
ME: (long pause)...Is okay. I return tomorrow.
MANAGER: Sir, you can't leave the building until you've payed.
ME: (points to bills) Have to pay?
MANAGER: Yes.
ME: Now?
MANAGER: Yes.
ME: NO!.
MANAGER: Sir, there's nothing we can do.
ME: But...but...SAME!
I eventually had to pay the amount on the screen. At this point, half the town had lined up behind me, waiting to pay for soda, cigarettes, and other daily sundries. It was only after that I found out what had happened from Ms. Shige, one of the English teachers. Apparently it will take the phone company two weeks to track down and confirm the twice-paid bill, at which point they'll give me back my money.
Strangely, I found a letter from the phone company in my mailbox today. I haven't opened it yet. Maybe they've already realized their mistake, and enclosed a letter saying they've put the money back in my account, and then some. Maybe it's an apology letter, along with an offer of two month's free service.
Maybe.

A Failure to Communicate

I found a note on my desk this morning informing me that my first class had been cancelled, and that, as my only other class wasn't until third period, I needn't get up early. It also said that tomorrow's classes will be slightly switched around, and that I need to prepare a twenty-minute lesson for three of them. I used the extra time to write up the lessons. Sometimes it just works out that way.
An hour before lunch, I was told that lunch had not been ordered for me, probably because I'd not been present at the meeting(which no one told me about)in which the other teachers ordered theirs, so I had to go pick some up.
After lunch, a teacher waylaid me in the hallway and asked me to help in her fifth period class. Since my contract states that I must remain in the building unil 4:15, and since I had no other classes, I complied...
... only to find that by doing so I had missed another class at which I was supposed to be present, but which, of course, no one informed me of.
I'm not complaining here; I was warned long before gettng to Japan that the gaijin teachers are treated in this way. It's not a malicious thing, either; the teachers were sincerely sorry. I write this only because it seemed to be today's theme.
Also, the gym was closed today. It's usually closed only on Mondays, but...

My Daikon is Bigger Than Yours

Back to my favorite school way up in the mountains, where they held their annual Daikon Marathon. For those who don't know, a daikon is a long, white radish indiginous to Japan which also happens to be a symbol of masculinity among JETs who possess an eight-year-old's sense of humor(That is to say, all of us) and which has NOTHING to do with running or marathons.
I was late in handing in my application, which, for anyone else, would have caused problems. However, being a gaijin, it only seemed to make me more exotic. And that, friends, is the wonderful thing about being a gaijin-anything you do can only amplify the other-worldliness about you. You can do anything, and you'll never lose your gaijinity. You can even make up words, like gaijinity.
It has a downside, though, because there are standards, set long ago by the first foreigners coming to Japan off the black ships, to which all gaijin are set. It is widely believed that we are naturally superior at looting, pillaging and other cardiovasular activities, and therefore good at marathons.
In keeping with this stereotype, I signed up for the longest and most difficult course in the marathon-a good 16 km run, which, I later realized, was also a good 10 mile run. It is also widely believed that gaijin are inferior in(or simply apathetic to)mathematics.
Losing 100 pounds does something to a man. Since then, I have become dangerously overconfident, tackling tasks which I would have never attempted three years ago. This was one such occasion, and one in which I learned a lot.
The race started off ok enough; we all ran down the track, cheered on either side by people with more common sense than to run themselves. My students, bright-eyed and admiring, ran alonside the track, shouting my name until I and the other runners were well out of view. Deep into the mountains we ran, iPods in our ears, the spirit of the Great Daikon in our hearts.
I run two miles every morning. It's how I lost the weight. I can do this. I am Gaijin.
By the fifth kilometer I realized the extent of my gaijin powers, the extent being five kilometers. But what could I do? To turn back would mean disgrace, but to go forward meant almost certain death. I trudged on, head down, hoping against hope to meet a bear or a ninja and so end my life without shame.
By the tenth kilometer, old people were passing me, and I was wheezing worse than they were. I pressed on, however.
And came in second-to-last.
I actually don't care. I finished the marathon. I ran FIVE TIMES my normal distance without stopping(much),and even though I didn't win the daikon, I got a nifty certificate with my name and a PICTURE of a daikon. And that, readers, is what REALLY matters.
Yeah, right.

What I Learned:
16 km = 10 miles
the word "gaijinity"

Sports Festival at Yamanomura

I really should update this thing. Last week was Sports Day at my favorite school, Yamanomura. That's the school up in the little mountain village with only 14 kids. Because the school is so small, parents and teachers also participated in the festival. They even had a mini-relay for the toddlers. I ran a few relays, and got to carry big heavy things from one end of the field to the other. One of the relays pitted me against a police officer from Kamioka, whom I(and I say this with all modesty) smoked. After that, they made me do the town folk dance. I think it was my punishment.
The kids were great. Both teams(red and white) did little cheers and skits in between the games. At one point, the principle(whom until now I had taken to be a very serious and stoic man) came bounding out in a dragon costume. Everyone laughed. Except the toddlers. They cried.
That evening, all the teachers had a party in a place twenty minutes away and even DEEPER into the mountains. Driving there was fun. I had to follow a guy who was doing 80km up this REALLY narrow mountain pass in near-total darkness. The guy would not SLOW DOWN, and every time he turned a sharp corner(they were all sharp, btw), I lost sight of his lights and had to speed up to catch him again. I kept waiting for that one time I'd miss the turn,crash though the guardrail and go tumbling down the mountainside. But driving is different here. We don't fall off mountains-that would be rude.
At the party I met a guy who trains at my gym in Kamioka. He also does Aikido, and asked if I would like to join. Why not? Since coming here, I've accidentally joined two soccer teams, one volleyball team, and an English club. One more couldn't hurt.

Today I learned:
Sports Days are fun.
Making promises is easy(especially if you don't know what you are saying).
I can outrun the Kamioka police officer.

Chapter 5 : A fresh start: sans internet, sans money

Not much has happened since I last blogged. I still don't have internet. I keep trying to explain to my supervisors that I need my NTT phone line activated before I can do anything, but they won't listen. Either that, or I'm not saying it right in Japanese. A "professional" is supposed to come over today and discover this.
Drove to Yamano mura the other day, that's my other school. It's far away in a smaller(yes, smaller) village on the other side of a mountain. People complain about the long journey, but I actually found the ride to be quite beautiful. The mountains are completely covered with trees and every now and again I pass close to a river.
The school is very small, but also very nice. At most, I'll have only four or five students to a class. The principal has a huge brick oven where he and the students make pizza sometimes. There's also a marathon coming up, which they asked me to join. I don't want to jinx it, but I think I'm going to like this school the best.
Still studying(or should I say re-learning?) Japanese. The difference now is that I'm actually making progress; not just memorizing things for an upcoming test and then forgetting them. That was my problem back in the States, coupled with the fact that I didn't really NEED Japanese to survive. Here, of course, it's different.
Am actually warming up to karaoke. Got standing ovations the last couple of times.
Today marks the beginning of school for the students. Made a speech(in English AND Japanese)in the gym this morning, and then stood for an hour while everyone else made theirs. Once again, I overdressed, showing up in a suit while everyone around me wore what they call "cool biz"(short-sleeved shirt and tie). I was easy to spot.
Money continues to slip through my fingers. I've already gone through the two thousand dollars I brought with me, and am steadily eating into my first paycheck. I know things in Japan are expensive, and I know culture shock and jet lag have temporarily altered my common sense, and I KNOW now is the time for gatherings, eating, drinking and celebrating, not to mention furnishing my new overseas life, but this is a little too much. I haven't even payed my bills yet, and already I've spent twice the amount I usually do in one month. I'll have to pay that "professional" when he comes over and tells me something I already know. *sigh* I guess it can'T be helped.
Tomorrow is the birthday of a famous hamburger joint in a nearby city. All the nearby JETs are attending. I'm excited. I think I've said before that I had the best hamburger of my life over there. We'll see how it goes.

Chapter 4: Mukade

"Japan is a very friendly place."
I've heard this a hundred times, but I never realized the all-encompassing meaning behind that phrase. Even the BUGS aren't afraid to get all up in your face and welcome you to Japan. Since I've been here, I've killed enough bees, crickets and flies to be qualified as an amatuer exterminator. I share my apartment with three large spiders(that I know of) and actually keep them around to keep the insect population under control.
It's safe to say that, back in Vegas, all arthropods adopt the "live and let live" philosophy and tend to keep to themselves, which is great because just about the only kind of spider there is the black widow. Out here, you see them everywhere: on the bridge, in your house, in the trees, and even at school, but none of them are poisonous.
Except mukade
Mukade are a type of poisonous centepede. Apparently, they like to drop from the ceiling onto the heads of unsuspecting sleepers, or hide in the tatami and ambush tender bare feet. Their bite may not be deadly, but it is very painful, and will leave you with a swollen appendage for some time.
The other night, I awoke to a tickly sensation on my arm. Reaching out, I grabbed something squirmy and threw it. I turned on the light to see a small, half-dead centepede writhing on my tatami. I imediately thought this was the mukade, and prepared for the killing ritual.
Killing mukade is a lot like killing a vampire in the West. There's a lot of folklore behind it. Many Japanese say that you should never step on mukade, for it will call more. Likewise, you cannot burn them. If you cut one in half, the head will still come after you. You must either boil it in water or submerge it in oil. In this way, the mukade cannot call out, and so you are safe.
I had no oil, and it would take too long to boil the water, so I flushed it. Take THAT, mukade.
Later, I found out that what I had slain was not a mukade, but a house centepede. Apparently, mukade are bigger.