Classes, My Personal Life, and Tony Hawk

Had my classes for the day. The first was with Mr. Mori. The subject was how to make sentences out of the “How many _____ do you have?”

Now, I ask you. How much trouble can we get into with that?

Lots.

MR. MORI: “how many CDs do you have?”
ME: “I have twenty CDs.”
MR. MORI: “how many brothers do you have?”
ME: “ I have three brothers.”
MR. MORI: “how many girlfriends do you have?”
ME: “What? I mean...I have no girlfriends.”
MR. MORI: “Is that so? I have one hundred girlfriends.”
ME: “ah...”
MR. MORI: (holding up a picture of baseballs)“how many balls do you have?”
ME: “I have two balls. Thank you.”

next class was with Ms. Mona. I read a short article out loud about skateboarding:

“...Many people skateboard. It is fun. I skateboard, too. It is also fun....many people think that skateboarders are not good people, but that is not true. The most famous skateboarder is Tony Hawk. He built many safe parks....”
Then we passed out a test based on the reading. While the students were working on it, Ms. Mona cornered me and asked me what the answers were. Not being the one who PREPARED the test, I said I didn't know exactly. The questions were simple enough: who is the most famous skateboarder, Are skateboarders good people, etc. We figured it out.
Lunch is wierd. they have eat with a different class each week, I guess to help familiarize me with the students, and Vice versa. It's great when I go to the elementary schools; everyone talks and laughs and we have a great time. But today I had lunch in the middle school with the ninensei(2nd years), and they were all very quiet. The teacher had warned me about it beforehand:
TEACHER: I dont understand it; in class they won't shut up, but when it's time for lunch, they're little angels!
ME: Maybe they're plotting something...
She was right. I get in there and absolutely NO ONE is talking. The only sound was the click of chopsticks and the slurping(it is polite to slurp-means you like the taste) of miso soup. I actually became very conscious of how I was eating; no way was I gonna be outdone by a bunch of little ninenseis!
Then, as if by some evil magic, the bell rang and the ninenseis immediately reverted back into ninenseis. They yelled, slammed chairs, and wrestled over the last piece of fried chicken on one poor little boy's plate. While the teacher was tried to regain control of the class, I beat a hasty retreat back to the office. My contract says nothing about wrestling for fried chicken.



What I learned today:
Skateboarders are good people.

Public Announcements, English Drama, and a Little Burr-Sheets.

It's getting colder here. Tonight I'm sleeping with a sweatshirt over my T-shirt. Also, I closeted my fan in exchange for the space heater. I didn't expect it to happen so soon, and I'm a little worried. What kind of winter am I in for?
No sleep last night. Like many small towns in Japan, mine has a public announcement system, which also serves as a public alarm clock(for factory workers and farmers) and a public nuisance(for everyone else). Something must have gone down last night, for at the hours 12, 3, and 5am, it blared messages; something about a car, I think. I actually got up and peeked out my window to see if my car was properly parked, lights off, etc. Call me egotistical, but I have this terrible fear that one day I'll hear my name in one of those things. This might be because I often hear them when I'm walking somewhere new, and not sure if I'm supposed to be there or not:
ATTENTION: THE AMERICAN HAS WANDERED ONTO THE HOLY TEMPLE GROUNDS; WOULD THE CLOSEST INDIVIDUAL PLEASE REMOVE HIM AND STERALIZE THE GROUNDS. REPEAT: THE AMERICAN....
It doesn't help that I can only understand a few words, and that the same message, slightly delayed, is playing in another area of town, just as loud and distorted.
Classes at Mountain Village Middle/Elementary today. It's still my favorite, and now I'm directing an “English Theatre” production of Momotaro, a popular Japanese fairytale. Among the translated lines, my favorites are:
“Honey, I'm home!”
"OGYAH! OGYAH!"
and,
“Oh, my GOD! What a big peach!”
(I did not translate. I only direct...and chuckle quietly.)

Mountain Village is also my favorite school because the elementary teachers are really serious about team-teaching, and if you know anything about this program, you know that's a rarity. We're either running the whole show, or we become a sort of expensive tape-recorder the Japanese teachers use for pronunciation exercises. This is especially true for some of my schools:

ME: Banana.
STUDENTS: Banana!
ME: Apple.
STUDENTS: Apple!
ME: Bullshit.(as in: This is____)
STUDENTS: Burr-sheets!

I suppose there's no point in me doing this blog if I'm not honest. Some of the classes are like that, and I think it's a shame.

But back to Mountain Village. One teacher, we'll call him Montag-sensei(he loves Ray Bradbury, I found out), comes to me before every lesson and explains what he wants covered that day. We exchange ideas, and usually end up with something very effective. He is helping to direct the English version of Momotaro, but instead of just getting the students to memorize the English lines, he thinks up lessons to explain the various grammer points the characters use. Of all my coworkers, he seems the most connected with the kids. I also like him because he's got a great sense of humor and laughs like a cartoon character. If nothing else, my weekly trip to Mountain Village is a breath of fresh air.

Japanese Word of The Day:
Burr-sheets

Quote of Current Book:
"You deal with the madmen. All men are mad in some way or the other; and inasmuch as you deal discreactly with your madmen, so deal with God's madmen, too-the rest of the world." -Van Helsing, from: Dracula

Which Concerns Holidays

Yesterday was the autumnal Equinox, and I'd like to share something.
Due to its rampant commercialism; the books and movies, the toys, the slew of television programs, I think we've forgotten this holiday's true meaning. You see, folks, Autumn Equinox is not about presents, or cookies, or the sun being directly over the earth's equator. No. It's about love.
Also, Halloween came early this year. That's right; one of my coworkers asked me if I could whip up a short presentation about Halloween.

"For October?" Says I.
"No, no. For tomorrow," says she.
"Oh," says I.

Halloween just happens to be my favorite holiday, so I had already been planning just such a lesson, and even had the foresight to bring a costume from home. Coming from Vegas, there was really only one choice as to who I would be.

Finally, it was my brother's birthday the other day. I sent him a sarubobo(baby monkey doll-very popular in my area of Japan), and he sent me a picture he drew of me. He's pretty talented. Hopefully someday he'll have better models;)

Japanese word for the day:
Metcha-metcha: messy or in shambles-perfectly describes:my blog entries; my Japanese; my sink after removing the Halloween makeup.

Favorite Quote of current book:
'I could hear a lot of words often repeated; queer words, for there were many nationalities in the crowd... amongst them were...Satan...hell...and...something that is either "werewolf" or "vampire"...I must ask the Count about these superstitions.' -Jonathan Harker, from: Dracula

In Which Money is Made...And Lost.

Yesterday was definitely a day worth blogging about, but I was too busy being flabbergasted. I'll explain:
The day started off well enough; I made play money with my face on it and passed it out while we played an English game. Once my students have enough cash, I plan to devise some form of English/gambling games. They all love the fact that I'm from Vegas, so I figured I'd play it up. Although I wasn't really much of a gambler back home. Not too many Vegas natives are. I explained it this way to another teacher:
"People come to Vegas, lose money, and go home. The people who LIVE in Las Vegas get a new casino."
Later, I finally found out how to pay those annoying cell phone bills which keep showing up in my mailbox. All I have to do is take them down to the convenience store, and the clerk does all the work. The Japanese word for "convenience store" is "konbini"(con-beenie), which is essentially a shorter(more convenient?) version of the English phrase. They do this a lot.
Anyway, so I made the mistake of bringing the FIRST bill along with the reminder bill to the konbini. The clerk takes both of them from me before I can stop her, and proceeds to write them up. Years of Japanese classes back in the States had prepared me for just such a scenario:
CLERK: Ok, I'll just take those and write them up...
ME: No...don't understand...same.
CLERK:(as she is writing them up) Sorry, what was that?
ME: Same...those are...same.
CLERK: Ah, yes. Of course, sir. That'll be $$$$$(double)
ME: What? No! No understand. Same!
CLERK: Hm?
ME: Because I forgot...another was sent...same. Same, understand?
CLERK: Ah, yes. So that's $$$$$$(double)
ME: NO!
CLERK: Sir, you have to pay your bill.
ME: Yes...but...SAME!
CLERK: Hm?(looks at the bill) It says here that these are the same bill. They sent you another one because you hadn't payed, yet.
ME: YES!
CLERK: Oh, dear. That's a problem. You see, I've already entered the information, so you have to pay what's on the screen.
ME: What? Please say again.
CLERK: I already put the bills into the system, so we must recieve this amount.
ME: Sorry...I no understand.(points to bills) Same?
CLERK: Yes, sir, I know that now. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do.
ME: ...
CLERK: I'm very sorry.
ME: (points to screen) I have to pay?
CLERK: Yes.
ME: No!
CLERK: Sir, I...
ME: No...this...a little bit...error. You...is...mistake. These are same!
CLERK: Wait just a moment, please.
(she disappears and the manager enters)
MANAGER: Hello.
ME: Hello.(points to bills) Same?
MANAGER: Yes, sir, I heard all about it. Unfortunately, you have to pay what's on the screen.
ME: (long pause)...Is okay. I return tomorrow.
MANAGER: Sir, you can't leave the building until you've payed.
ME: (points to bills) Have to pay?
MANAGER: Yes.
ME: Now?
MANAGER: Yes.
ME: NO!.
MANAGER: Sir, there's nothing we can do.
ME: But...but...SAME!
I eventually had to pay the amount on the screen. At this point, half the town had lined up behind me, waiting to pay for soda, cigarettes, and other daily sundries. It was only after that I found out what had happened from Ms. Shige, one of the English teachers. Apparently it will take the phone company two weeks to track down and confirm the twice-paid bill, at which point they'll give me back my money.
Strangely, I found a letter from the phone company in my mailbox today. I haven't opened it yet. Maybe they've already realized their mistake, and enclosed a letter saying they've put the money back in my account, and then some. Maybe it's an apology letter, along with an offer of two month's free service.
Maybe.

A Failure to Communicate

I found a note on my desk this morning informing me that my first class had been cancelled, and that, as my only other class wasn't until third period, I needn't get up early. It also said that tomorrow's classes will be slightly switched around, and that I need to prepare a twenty-minute lesson for three of them. I used the extra time to write up the lessons. Sometimes it just works out that way.
An hour before lunch, I was told that lunch had not been ordered for me, probably because I'd not been present at the meeting(which no one told me about)in which the other teachers ordered theirs, so I had to go pick some up.
After lunch, a teacher waylaid me in the hallway and asked me to help in her fifth period class. Since my contract states that I must remain in the building unil 4:15, and since I had no other classes, I complied...
... only to find that by doing so I had missed another class at which I was supposed to be present, but which, of course, no one informed me of.
I'm not complaining here; I was warned long before gettng to Japan that the gaijin teachers are treated in this way. It's not a malicious thing, either; the teachers were sincerely sorry. I write this only because it seemed to be today's theme.
Also, the gym was closed today. It's usually closed only on Mondays, but...

My Daikon is Bigger Than Yours

Back to my favorite school way up in the mountains, where they held their annual Daikon Marathon. For those who don't know, a daikon is a long, white radish indiginous to Japan which also happens to be a symbol of masculinity among JETs who possess an eight-year-old's sense of humor(That is to say, all of us) and which has NOTHING to do with running or marathons.
I was late in handing in my application, which, for anyone else, would have caused problems. However, being a gaijin, it only seemed to make me more exotic. And that, friends, is the wonderful thing about being a gaijin-anything you do can only amplify the other-worldliness about you. You can do anything, and you'll never lose your gaijinity. You can even make up words, like gaijinity.
It has a downside, though, because there are standards, set long ago by the first foreigners coming to Japan off the black ships, to which all gaijin are set. It is widely believed that we are naturally superior at looting, pillaging and other cardiovasular activities, and therefore good at marathons.
In keeping with this stereotype, I signed up for the longest and most difficult course in the marathon-a good 16 km run, which, I later realized, was also a good 10 mile run. It is also widely believed that gaijin are inferior in(or simply apathetic to)mathematics.
Losing 100 pounds does something to a man. Since then, I have become dangerously overconfident, tackling tasks which I would have never attempted three years ago. This was one such occasion, and one in which I learned a lot.
The race started off ok enough; we all ran down the track, cheered on either side by people with more common sense than to run themselves. My students, bright-eyed and admiring, ran alonside the track, shouting my name until I and the other runners were well out of view. Deep into the mountains we ran, iPods in our ears, the spirit of the Great Daikon in our hearts.
I run two miles every morning. It's how I lost the weight. I can do this. I am Gaijin.
By the fifth kilometer I realized the extent of my gaijin powers, the extent being five kilometers. But what could I do? To turn back would mean disgrace, but to go forward meant almost certain death. I trudged on, head down, hoping against hope to meet a bear or a ninja and so end my life without shame.
By the tenth kilometer, old people were passing me, and I was wheezing worse than they were. I pressed on, however.
And came in second-to-last.
I actually don't care. I finished the marathon. I ran FIVE TIMES my normal distance without stopping(much),and even though I didn't win the daikon, I got a nifty certificate with my name and a PICTURE of a daikon. And that, readers, is what REALLY matters.
Yeah, right.

What I Learned:
16 km = 10 miles
the word "gaijinity"

Sports Festival at Yamanomura

I really should update this thing. Last week was Sports Day at my favorite school, Yamanomura. That's the school up in the little mountain village with only 14 kids. Because the school is so small, parents and teachers also participated in the festival. They even had a mini-relay for the toddlers. I ran a few relays, and got to carry big heavy things from one end of the field to the other. One of the relays pitted me against a police officer from Kamioka, whom I(and I say this with all modesty) smoked. After that, they made me do the town folk dance. I think it was my punishment.
The kids were great. Both teams(red and white) did little cheers and skits in between the games. At one point, the principle(whom until now I had taken to be a very serious and stoic man) came bounding out in a dragon costume. Everyone laughed. Except the toddlers. They cried.
That evening, all the teachers had a party in a place twenty minutes away and even DEEPER into the mountains. Driving there was fun. I had to follow a guy who was doing 80km up this REALLY narrow mountain pass in near-total darkness. The guy would not SLOW DOWN, and every time he turned a sharp corner(they were all sharp, btw), I lost sight of his lights and had to speed up to catch him again. I kept waiting for that one time I'd miss the turn,crash though the guardrail and go tumbling down the mountainside. But driving is different here. We don't fall off mountains-that would be rude.
At the party I met a guy who trains at my gym in Kamioka. He also does Aikido, and asked if I would like to join. Why not? Since coming here, I've accidentally joined two soccer teams, one volleyball team, and an English club. One more couldn't hurt.

Today I learned:
Sports Days are fun.
Making promises is easy(especially if you don't know what you are saying).
I can outrun the Kamioka police officer.